Restaurant Talking

For some reason, I feel like when we are sitting at a table at a restaurant, which is fairly often in this house, my kids open up more than they usually do. Okay, only Jack. Sam opens up at any time of day. Jack is the kid you have to drag stuff out of. "How was school?" "Fine." That has been the answer every day of his life. The only variant is "Bad." He tends to say most things are bad or he doesn't want to do them until he tries them. Then he wants to do them or will do them, either way.

Anyhow, here are some recent tidbits I've gotten at restaurants:

Jack to Sam: Sam, What do you want to be when you grow up?
Sam: Stares at him blankly, looking bewildered.
Jack: You know, when you are big? What do you want to be?
Sam: (no hesitation at all) LIGHTENING MACQUEEN!

---------------------

Me to Jack: So, buddy, are you done learning about the body yet in school?
Jack: You know. (This is another VERY common answer. I am supposed to just 'know' what is going on there. I guess he thinks I have a camera in his classroom at all times?)
Me: No, I don't know, actually. Are you?
Jack: Yes.
Me: So, you are learning about the earth now? (I only know THIS tidbit because he came home covered in paper mache for three days straight, and he said it was because they were making the earth)
Jack: Yes. But it is boring. I already know it all. (This is sort of his specialty, geography, and all things related).
Me: So, when she talks about the facts about the earth, you know it already?
Jack: Yes, it is simple stuff.
Me: Like the continents?
Jack: Yes.
Me: Do you know them?
Jack: MOM
Me: Do you?
Jack: Of course I do!
Me: Prove it.
Jack: *Rattles them off as he ticks them off on his hand*
Me: Kid, I taught seventh grade, you know. Do you know how many kids knew that when they came into my class?
Jack: How many?
Me: Absolutely none.

--------------------------------------



And one more of my favorites from the weekend that was not at a restaurant:

We are at Jack's soccer game. He has been dying to be the goalie. He isn't what I would call the most gifted athlete on the planet, but the kid is very much willing to play and it is hard to get him off of the field to take a break during the games. The coach lets him play goalie at the end of the game once it is pretty obvious we are going to lose. I am so thankful that this is the case so that I don't have to stress out that he is going to miss a ball.

The games goes on, and my son is doing okay as a goalie. He stops a few, all by kicking them away. I walk down there and say "Jack. You can use your hands, you know." He scowls at me and says, "I KNOW! My feet are MUCH STRONGER!"

The results of his quarter as goalie were that the other team scored twice. He was less than pleased. Afterwards he was upset because the girl that scored, he said, cheated. "How did she cheat?" I asked him. "She kicked it to me when I wasn't even ready!!"

Ah, my child. To know him is to love him :-)

Road Trippin'

I took my boys on a Road Trip to Texas. It's ONLY halfway across the country, right? I kept telling myself the whole time, thank goodness my parents live in Marshall. If they lived in El Paso, this would truly be terrible!

On the way we did the fourth of July in Atlanta. Here are some of the highlights:

Sam: "Mama, are we going to stay at the Show-and-Tell tonight or at Nana's house?"
Me: "The Hotel, Sam."
Sam: "OK Mama, the Hotel."

Five seconds later
Sam: "Mama, are we at the Show-and-Tell yet?"

----------------------

We are at the Fourth of July party at Centennial Olympic Park in Atlanta. It is extremely crowded. They have these cool Olympic Rings that shoot water out of the ground and the kids can play in. The boys have been looking forward to it. We show up and it is an absolute madhouse. I immediately start making categories of worries in my mind about how I'll possibly keep up with them in the crowds if they are running around in this.

Me: "Jack you have to hold Sam's hand at all times."
Jack: "Awwww........"
Me: "Look. Here is the red stroller. I'm parking it here. You should be able to see it. If you can't find me, come here, and I'll meet you here. Do you remember my phone number? It's 999-999-9999. Okay buddy? I'm going to try to watch you the whole time."

We find an area that is not too crazy and Sam of course busts into the water through the people. Jack is hanging back near my legs. He looks really concerned. He is the thoughtful child.

Finally I say, "What's wrong?"
He says, "Mama, what did you tell me your phone number for?"
Me: "In case you got lost, you could call me."
He looks at me like I am an idiot: "FROM WHERE???????"
I laugh. "Good point, buddy. Just go play. I'll find you."

----------------

After the sprinklers, we are at the main area of the park. It is like a huge festival and there are lines of food carts. I start reading of all of the choices for them about what they could have for dinner. Jack chooses something quickly. Sam is sitting in the back of the stroller. After reading about 50 choices to him, he looks at me with big eyes and says "Mama, can you choose for me?"

My children are opposites.

---------------

We are about to get into the car to drive ten hours, at the end of which are Nana and Poppy. The boys are very excited to see them, but they don't realize, of course, the fact that we have to spend the entire day in the car first. As we are leaving our hotel room Jack is staring in the mirror. "Can you fix my hair? It needs to be flatter." I brush it. "Right before we get there, can you look at it again and see how it looks. If it looks messy, can you fix it again?" He asks these things so earnestly, it sort of breaks my heart.

Beer

If you listened to my kids often, you would seriously think Keith was an alcoholic. A few nights ago at dinner, Sam asked him "Whatcha got daddy? Beer or coffee?"

Then today he was asking me if Santa was coming soon to give him presents. I said no, Santa was over for a while. He said

"No mommy. Santa is coming to bring me presents. And Daddy and You and Jacky. He is going to bring me a e-phant, and you a bear and Jacky a doggy and daddy a.... he bring daddy a BEER!"

Christmas Crazies

I need to get some Disney pictures up, but hopefully I will soon. I managed to forget my camera to BOTH children's Christmas programs. Mom of the year! However, my children still seem to be surviving.

Jack told Keith today in the car that he can't wait until we die because then he will be able to do whatever he wanted because we would no longer tell him what to do. He doesn't, of course, realize how mean that is to say, though we tried to tell him. He said in response, "Well, Dad, You will definitely die first because you are 30 and we are only 5 and 2." Let's all hope that is very true for the both of us!

Keith really enjoys antagonizing Jack, which I'll admit is not terribly hard. One thing he does that really bothers Jack is answer "Your face!" to everything. We were in the car (again) and Jack was naming a bunch of countries and saying he was going to paint them ("Paint Nigeria!" "Paint Haiti!" "Paint Chile!" I have no idea how he knows about all this stuff. He got really annoyed when I said Antarctica because MOM IT IS NOT CONTINENTS!). Keith says to him "Can I please just say 1?" And Jack says "NO DADDY! Because I know you are going to say Paint Your Face!" And the sad part is that if you know Keith at all, he probably was, and he even admitted that he had considered it.

Keith went to volunteer in Jack's class the other day and the job he got was to laminate these pages that the kids wrote that said "Christmas is about __________" and then they fill it in and draw a picture. He wrote "love" and then drew a picture of all of our stockings that said Mom Dad Jack Sam. It was really cute and he said maybe some of the things we tell them actually get through. Keith also went to lunch with Jack's class and said two of the boys kept asking him "Are you Jack's brother?"

Sam is also a little bit bad lately. A little bad is an understatement, but whatever. He has taken to asking as soon as we get in the car "Are we there yet?" Then he repeatedly asks you "Where we GOIN'?" and "Are we there yet?" the whole way to your destination.

He told his teachers at school that he really wanted Santa to bring him a car, a truck and a muffin.

He saw this Santa the other day in the dry cleaners and he told me "MOMMY, I really think that Santa want to tell me Merry Kiss-mas!"

He also saw a Smart Car and told me "Mommy, this car is tiny. The other cars is big. Why is this tiny?" It always makes me amazed where they pick up some of these words. I really don't feel like I use the word "Tiny". Maybe Wow Wow Wubbzy and Dora 'splore can be credited with something around here.

Merry Christmas to all!

Do You Follow?

We frequently get these types of instructions. I certainly can't follow it. Can you?

Jack-isms (and Sam-isms Too)

Jack says the funniest stuff these days. It is just because he is so grown up sounding. Oftentimes I will think I am going to write something on my blog that he says, but it just is not as funny if you cannot hear the WAY he says things. So matter-of-factly, as if he is the authority on all things.

He got moved to an advanced reading group, and as I have been sort of waiting for this, I was very curious about it. The only way to get any info from him is to ask VERY specific questions, which he loves.

So I was asking him all about it...

..."And then how do you go to your new library class?"

"Well, Mrs. Someone comes to our door, and says 'Jack and Camryn, right this way!' and then we stand up, holding hands, and walk to the library."

I mean, it is hard not to crack up and this stuff. You can just see the mental picture. As always, you are NOT allowed to laugh at anything he says or he gets deeply offended.

In the same conversation...

..."Do you know any of these other children in the class that come from the other Kindergarten classes?"

"Well, there are only six."

"Do you know them?"

"No"

"Are their any other boys in there?"

Long, pensive pause. You have to retain utter silence during these pauses or he once again gets angry.

"Well, mommy. I am not trying to tease about this. There is a boy in there but he really looks like a girl."

"Well, that is o.k. I realize you aren't trying to tease, and it is o.k. to say to your mommy, just try not to say it to him, though, because that would really hurt his feelings."

I mean, seriously? He is five! How does he come up with this stuff?

-------------

Sam was taking a bath in 'Jack's bathtub' the other night, as opposed to ours, where he usually bathes. Reason being I was washing dishes and then I could still see him, but obviously not well enough. I walk back in there and water is all over the floor.

"Sam! Did you do this? Pouring water out of the bath is not nice! That is not for good boys, it is for bad boys!"

He jumps down, then dashes off and says "I a bad boy, mommy!"

My little Mess

Yesterday, I took the boys to an ice-skating birthday party. Keith is working 70 hrs a week right now, so Sam had to come, and of course he had to SKATE too, like the big kids. So after all that fun, we are driving home, and I see some Mormon Missionaries outside in our cul-de-sac. I am obviously not in the mood to deal with them so I come in, shut the door, and tell Jack if anyone rings the doorbell we are not going to answer it.

After a few minutes, we are getting the kids in the bath, and of course the doorbell rings.

Jack is very excited about the prospect of ignoring it at first because we have never done that before.

"Be quiet!" I tell him.

"Momma, why? What do they want to do?"

"They want to tell us about Jesus, and mommy doesn't have the patience for that right now."

He sits there quietly for a few minutes, then says...

"Momma, can we PLEASE open it? I really don't know all that much ABOUT Jesus!"

Punishment

Just in case you couldn't tell, our oldest child can be a bit of what the parenting experts would call a "challenge." It seems lately he yo-yos between acting like a perfect angel and acting like Satan's spawn. Anything can tip it off, you never know what that something may be. Anyhow, the other day he was mad a me and he threw and entire cup of chocolate milk (or "regular chocolate" at our house, for the uninitiated) at the wall on the way to his room for a punishment. If you can guess, this did not make me entirely happy. I told him he was punished from regular chocolate for the next three days.

Now, regular chocolate is a bit of an obsession that the Willeford boys have, and the moment they get up they need it, like a coffee junkie needs his fix. So the next morning, he got up and Sam got regular chocolate and Jack didn't, and if you can guess, this did not go over well. It ended in a 30 minute session of him whining and trying to negotiate with me, followed by a repeat trip to his room for another punishment. On the way out the door to Bible School he attached the following note to the refrigerator with a magnet:


It says: "Ruolz Anwon can have RC. No Punishmants"

In other words: "Rules, Anyone can have RC [Regular Chocolate]. No Punishments."

Stubborn kid. Wonder where he gets that from???

I don't know why I was worried...

I took the boys to look at houses today. I have no idea why I was worried about Jack, because he seems to relish in the house hunt. He said "Well, it is really fun getting a new house, mama! [We are really into the mama lately] The problem is, after you get your new house, you still have all of your old stuff in it." I had to agree.

We went and looked at a house that is in the old historic part of Summerville. Both Keith and I love old houses, and I was excited to look at it. Unfortunately, it was nothing to get excited about, read, very old and looking very outdated with moldy bathrooms. I walked out and said, "Well, I didn't like that one." Jack said, "Yeah, me neither. It really didn't have any decorations in it." I tried to tell him that you actually put the decorations up yourself for the most part, but he insisted, saying, "But really, mama, the walls were all plain!!" Okay.

After we went and checked out another house in a cool neighborhood, he was ready to move in immediately. As we drove off, he asked me which one was OUR house an then on the way home he asked me if we were going to our "Old" house. I said, yes, of course, our stuff is still at this house. He was not pleased.

Right now he is in the backyard mostly naked with an umbrella singing "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow, you're only a day AWAY!!!!!!!" Man, our new neighbors are gonna be lucky.

How old is he???

"We have to move to a new house," I tell him tentatively. I am afraid he is going to freak out, because we do this too often and I know he hates it. He has just asked Keith a few weeks ago at bedtime to promise him we can live here forever. "We will stay in the same city, though, and you can still go to the same school." I wait.

"Well, we should move to a neighborhood close to my school then mommy, so that we don't have to drive too many minutes to get there."

Hmm, smart kid. We were considering the same thing.

--------------------------------------

And last week, when I was sad about losing his great teacher that I love:

"Mommy, you are sad now about Mrs. Flatt, but next year when I am going to first grade, you are going to say the same thing about my Kindergarten teacher. You are going to love her even more and be sad to change to a new one."

Sometimes this kid is wise beyond his years :-)

Good Morning

Jack comes in and lays in bed with me this morning.

"Good morning" I say.

"Hi."

"Why do you have new clothes on?"

"Oh, I just felt like a change."

Me, laughing, but knowing better: "Accident?"

"I really don't want to have to tell you this, but it was a tee-tee accident, and it is really too bad because I like that lizard and frog sheet the best of all."

More

Last night, Jack went to his room to pick out his books to that we read before bedtime. I go in and he has chosen some fine book and "Cars and Trucks and Things that Go" by Richard Scarry. Those books take FOREVER to read. I said:

"Jack, I really don't want to read Cars and Trucks tonight."

He said, "Well, mommy, that is what I chose, so I guess you are just going to have to live with it."

Gotta love it when the things you tell them come back to haunt you.

-----------------------------------

This morning, I go out to put the boys in the car and see three of our tricycles in the cul-de-sac. Obviously we had left them out overnight. I said:

"Dang! We left our crap out all night!"

Jack says "Yeah, I guess we need to get our freaking crap."

I sigh and say "Well, neither Freaking nor Crap is a very nice word. Mommy shouldn't have said Crap either. What else can we say instead?"

Soon he is going to be calling me an MFer and I am going to only have myself to blame.

Outta the mouths of babes

Sam talks SO MUCH now. He repeats absolutely anything you say. He also calls all adult food "chicky" as in chicken. Anything Keith and I are eating, he will come to our plate, say "Ooooh, chicky" no matter what it is. (That is another thing he does, preface EVERYTHING he says with OOOOOOOOOH, like Oooooooh airplane, oooooooooh car, ooooooooooh truck). Mostly he wants nothing to do with any of this "chicky" even though we offer it to him (he subscribes more to the Jack theory of eating which involves no meat nor vegetables and all dairy, fruit, and carbs). So, today I was eating a breadstick and I asked him if he wanted some. He said yes so I passed him one in his carseat.

"Oooooooooh. Mommy. Hot Chicky! "
-------------------------

Sam is absolutely obsessed with muffins. It is all he EVER WANTS IN LIFE. He wakes up and says "Hi mommy! Chocky milk? Muffins?" This morning he went and sprawled down in front of the pantry door after I told him that we didn't have any more muffins and cried "MUFFFFFFINS!!!" for like five minutes. I would have to make muffins all day to satisfy his craving for them, because he asks for him at least five times a day.

-------------------------

Sam is also in the phase where he is totally obsessed with books and reading. Jack went through this same phase at about this age. Books are constantly strewn all about our house. He will randomly go into his room, get several bring them to me, and shove them in my face. Then he says "READ! READ!" You get about a five second window and if you have not begun in that allotted time frame he will throw them in your face and start crying "READ!!!!!!!!!!!" It is very frantic. I don't mind so much, since I have brown bear and I Like Trucks memorized. But forget trying to finish an email or do dishes if he gets gripped with the craving for Opposites or any of his menagerie of favorites. You must stop and comply NOW or you will get a board book to the face.

---------------------------

The other night Keith had just gotten home from work and we were all outside playing. Jack is walking out of the garage with a hammer.

"Hey daddy! Look! A bitch hammer!"

Keith, a little surprised, says "A what?"

"A bitch hammer!"

Keith, not wanting to say WHAT!?!?!? again and call more attention to it, just says "Well, Jack, that is not a very nice word, we don't say that, we'll have to call it a something else hammer."

Jack, completely non-plussed, says to him, "Okay, daddy, we'll call it a Wizzy Hammer!"

We still have no idea where that came from exactly nor if he was actually referring to the curse word.

-----------------------------

We are walking through the monkey house in the Columbia zoo. Jack is walking a little in front of me and this recording of a monkey going "Oooh ooh, ahh ahha ahh" goes over the loudspeaker. He turns to me and says:

"Good heavens mommy! That really FRIGHTened me!"

He really talks like a 60 year old woman sometimes.

Sneakily Behaving

It seems that you only really notice the strain of having kids on the hard days. The days you go to sleep and think "WHY???"

Today was the first day back at preschool after Spring Break. Score one point for Jack.

Woke up, pleasant, happy. Wanting to play with his brother. Off to school. No problems.

Took Sam to Publix, CVS, and Walgreens. Shopping from 9:15-11:15. Only a few short meltdowns over gummy bears and the desire to be held the entire time. Score one for Sam.

Picked Jack up. He is happy because he was the leader in his class today. Debate getting haircuts, not wanting to push my luck with Sam. Go to Sports Clips and it is a 30 minute wait. Definitely not at naptime. Go get chocolate shakes instead.

On the way home, drive by Fantastic Sams. No line. We pull in, get haircuts. I volunteer to sit with Sam because he has a poor haircut track record. He is so smiley we decide to try it. He sits stock still for 20 minutes. He is 2, remember. A little angel. Jack whines briefly beforehand but once we get him in the chair he is the picture of great behavior. As I am leaving I think to myself, "You know those people you occasionally see and you think HOW do they get their kids to act so well-behaved? Right now, I am those people."

Home, naptime. Jack awake. Draws pictures for almost 2 hours straight. We go get the mail. He gets two "mails" and is extremely pleased about this turn of events. Mail one - a birthday card from Uncle Doug. Contains $20. He is jumping up and down with his "One Dollar!" Asks me who it comes from, then says "Thanks, Uncle Doug!" Mail Two- stickers from Mimi and Papa Dean for Easter. Equally as pleased. Politely says "Well thank you Mimi!" Then he walks to the door and opens it and says "Well, thank you mail, have a nice day!"

Sometimes, this ain't so bad.

FU

Imagine you are just sitting casually at the computer reading whatever and your child walks up to you and drops this in your lap:

I mean, dang, what would you think??

**(Okay, okay, fine. Of course I asked him "Umm, Jack, What is this?" and he said "Sorry mom, I just messed it up, I couldn't write the word 'From' right")

Spell

Driving to Target, here is the volley of spelling game questions between me and Jack:

A: "How do you spell 'Red'?"

J: R-E-D

J: "How do you spell 'Chopsticks'?"

A: C-H-O-P-S-T-I-C-K-S

A: "How do you spell 'Nana'?"

J: N-A-N-A

J: "How do you spell 'Tactic?'"

A: T-A-C-T-I-C

A: "How do you spell 'Dog'?"

J: D-O-G

J: "How do you spell 'Northern Mariana Islands'?"

Seriously, are you freaking kidding me? How does he come up with this stuff?

BAD BABY!

Sam likes to kick you while you try to change his diaper. It is really nice and I have been known to pop him on the leg in the past in order to get him to quit long enough for me to finish. I have not, however, been known to call him a "bad baby" at the same time. Saturday I was changing him and he started kicking me. I said "Sam, NO KICKING MOMMY!" He then proceeded to hit himself on the leg multiple times and say "Bad BABY!!!" in a robot voice. I have not seen anything so funny in quite some time. Luckily Jack was also in the room and he thought it was hilarious too. The main problem with all the laughing is that he now thinks that saying "Bad Baby" is sure to get a laugh and he says it all the time. Here is a video of me trying to recreate him saying this for all to see. You can definitely hear the monster voice at least :-)

P.S. We really don't call any of our kids bad, btw. He got that from Jack, who does INDEED call Sam a bad baby. I blame the Steve Martin book "The Alphabet from A to Y with Bonus Letter Z". The page for B says "Bad Baby Bubbleducks"and ever since that book became a hit in this house Baby Bubbleducks is spoken of often around here.

Disney Extravaganza

Boys NOT EXCITED at all to be there...


Jack's favorite ride, Buzz Lightyear (there were two different cool Buzz Lightyear rides, he'll tell you)

Fun times at the Honey I Shrunk the Kids Playground

Jack waiting for the Hollywood Studios Block Party Parade (aka Loud and Obnoxious Parade)

Well, he seemed to like it...


Jack LOVED seeing the characters.


We didn't really mind that he hated it though b/c it just meant less lines we had to wait in. Sam cried after we left this one for "Jo Jo, Jo Jo" even though he has never seen the show.

Really neat Kilimanjaro Safaris ride...

Fake San Francisco
Sam behind the barriers and trying to get to the cars in fake San Fransisco


Sam wearing the Hollywood Studios hat

Disney does A LOT of 3D glasses...

The big tree at Animal Kingdom

Alicia and Sam in Disney Jail


"See you next week" as Jack would tell you...


Two more excellent Disney quotes that I forgot:

Day One, Magic Kingdom, It's A Small World

Jack: "They should really call that ride 'It's a large large world'"

--------------------------

Day Three, Animal Kingdom, outside an exhibit showcasing anteaters

Lady Disney Worker asking Jack and one other little boy questions

LDW: "How many ants do you think that this anteater eats in one day? It's a lot!"

Jack: very cutely raising his hand at the elbow "One thousand?"

LDW: "No, many more than that!"

Other child: "62?"

LDW: "No, many more than that."

Jack: raising hand again "One billion?"

LDW: laughs, "No, not quite a billion."

[the answer, for those who care, was 30,000]

Crazy Quotes Disney Edition

Day one, Magic Kingdom, on the Jungle Cruise ride in Adventureland:

passing a crazy assortment of African animals

Jack: "Oh, guys, look! Fake animals!"

----------------

Driving to Hollywood Studios, Day two:

Jack: "Man, mooooooooomy!"

Me: "What?"

Jack: "I forgot my elephant. I promised him he could go with us to Disney World today!"

Me: "Well, tomorrow we are going to Animal Kingdom. I think he would LOVE it there. Why don't we just take him tomorrow?"

Jack: considering..."Ok. I'll just text him and tell him that we'll do that."

--------------

Day Two, Hollywood Studios, Lights Motors, Action! Extreme Stunt Show (as well as all of days one and three in all locales surrounding the Disney area)

~HUGE car chase ensues, guns shooting, cars squealing, motorcycles jumping

Me: "Sam, see the cars?"

Sam: "Fan!"

Me: "See the motorcycle?"

Sam: Points "Fan!"

Me: "See the bus?"

Sam: Points up "Fan!!!"

Me: "Yes, buddy, another fan!"

------------------

Day Two, Hollywood Studios, Toy Story Midway Mania! (best freaking ride at all of Disney world)

after first ride

Keith: "How many points did you get?"

Alicia: "87,000"

Keith: "Aww, man, are you kidding? I only got 74,000. I was holding Sam on my lap and he was getting in the way. Next time you have to ride with Sam."

after second ride

Alicia: "I wipped your butt this time."

Keith: "How many?"

Alicia: "125,000"

Keith: "How'd you do that with Sam?"

Alicia: "Stuck Sam in his own seat with his own gun. He got zero. But he had a ball."

[sidenote, Keith still beat me, he got 147,000 or something like that and the high score for the day was something crazy like 333,000]

-----------------------

Day Three, Animal Kingdom, walking around and looking at the animals in the beginning on the Oasis

Sam: seeing flamingos "Mingo!"

Sam: seeing ducks "Mingo!"

Sam: seeing pigeons "Mingo!"

Keith: "Well, at least he learned one word here besides fan."

------------------------------------

Day Three, Animal Kingdom, Kilimanjaro Safari (which is REALLY FREAKING COOL), right after Sam had had a screaming fit through the last three songs of the Festival of the Lion King show

Me: "See the big ELEPHANT!"

Sam: "No!"

Me: "See the zebra!"

Sam: "No ze-ra!!"

Me: "See the giraffe?"

Sam: "No, no!"

Me: "See the antelope?"

Sam: "No, a-lope"

You see where this is going....

-----------------

Day Three, Animal Kingdom, right after "It's Tough to be a bug" 3D show (sidenote: I should really learn to listen when they say 'this show might be frightening for young children')

Walking out

Me: "So what was your favorite thing here?"

Jack: "I don't know, I but definitely hated that one the MOST OF ALL."

---------------------

Jack, dressing for Cirque de Soliel

Me: "What do you think the people are going to do there?"

Jack: silent

Me: "Like, flips?"

Jack: exasperated "Mommy, not flips. Just ALL KINDS of stuff you can't do."

Watch out folks, Dadddy has the kids all weekend...

My wife bought our son a Leap Frog interactive globe for Christmas. I initially thought her idea was lame. I have subsequently changed my opinion completely. When was the last time you had a conversation with your four year-old like this:
(In response to a discussion about how the horn of Africa countries - Sudan, Ethiopia, Somalia, Kenya, etc - are having some trouble these days)
(Circling Saudi peninsula with finger) "But dad, what about those countries? Are they okay?"(Not wanting to discuss Islamic extremist terrorism with my four year old), "Yeah, they are doing okay."(Pointing from country to country with his finger) "But if there are some bad people in Eritrea, then maybe they can go to Yemen.""Yes, you're very right.""And then to Oman, then Iran, then Afghanistan, then Pakistan, then India, then Myanmar, then Thailand, then Malaysia, then Indonesia..."
Or, a discussion like this:
(Talking about soft "g" and hard "g" sounds)
"Dad, I know what makes a soft "g" sound.""What?""Georgia.""Yeah, right next door to us.""But its confusing because it is a place inside the United States and also a place outside the United States."
Great gift. Brilliant kid. It breaks my heart that someday soon he'll realize the coast of Somalia is full of pirates, and Georgia just got the crap beat out of it by a bully named Russia, and daddy didn't go to Afghanistan for shits and giggles, and that virtually every country in that previous string of countries is home to a small, but dedicated, contingent of anti-social types bent on terrorizing the modern world back into the stone age. When that day comes and he asks me why some people are willing to blow themselves (and anyone around them) up to make a point, I will be tempted to simply explain to him that most terrorists just need to get laid. Unfortunately, that will open up an entirely new can of worms.